as far as my blogging goes anyways. I'll no longer be posting on Little House on the Sandhills and will be moving over to An Even Half Dozen. Feel free to drop on by. I'd love the company.
-Ma
Monday, July 28, 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008
All New Mothers Need a Mr. Garvey
As you may have read, we have had a lot going on for the first 4 or 5 weeks of Baby A's life. Well add in recovery from a c-section, some nursing trouble (1 bout of mastitis followed by 2 rounds of yeast), a portion of the incision that just did not want to heal, and the fact that Pa's planned two weeks of half days didn't fully materialize due to problems at work for which he was needed. I'm sure no matter what, I would have put my head down and gotten done what needed to be done. However, my load was lightened significantly by Mr. Garvey. This kid is just awesome. Every morning when I pulled my sleep deprived feel like I've been run over by a truck self out of bed, I would find that Mr. Garvey, without me asking, had put in a load of laundry, emptied and loaded the dishwasher, fed and watered the dogs, shut the door to my room so the other kiddos would not wake me up, and had done just about anything else he could think of that needed to be done.
In addition, he is completely experienced with holding and calming a baby. There were times when Baby A. would be fussy and I couldn't or didn't have the energy required to settle him down. On one particular occasion, he asked if he could try. He held Baby A, made some "shu, shu, shu" noises, and gently jiggled him. Thirty seconds later Baby A was asleep. Mr. Garvey looked up with such a grin of satisfaction on his face and said, "I can't wait until I am a father." And what a wonderful father that will be.
Friday, July 4, 2008
Lightning and Rainbows: Mr. Laura and Mr. Garvey Processing Death
I am not a religious person (in any organized sense of the word). I am, however, interested in several different religions and do a fair amount of reading about them. In a nutshell I pretty much believe that there is a universal truth to all religions, and each religion is just a different way of getting to that underlying truth. I personally find a lot of meaning in Buddhism. I feel a strong connection to the ideas of impermanence and non-attachment, as well as the Four Noble Truths. I like the way Buddhism inspires me to be a better person and to live more in the present moment.
With that said, I am not one to impose my faith and beliefs on others -- that includes my own children. Although I openly share with them what I believe and what brings me comfort during challenging times, I don't expect them to believe or to be comforted by the same things. We have talked a lot about death in the days preceding and since my mother's passing. I can't get two of their comments out of my head this week.
On the 2 hour drive home from my mother's memorial services we went through bit of bad weather. Now normally Mr. Laura would be quite worked up about this. He is terrified by thunderstorms. Fortunately, however, he slept through the worst of it. When he did wake up, he could see several streaks of lightning in the distance. Instead of getting "freaked out" he matter-of-factly said,"Hey mom look, God is letting Nana take pictures of us so that she can show them to Gigi and your father and all of our other family members in heaven".
A bit later, Mr. Garvey pointed out a large, bright rainbow in the sky. He said, "I think this is God's way of letting us know that Nana has made it to heaven".
Both of these comments made me both smile and cry at the same time. I don't usually find it comforting when folks tell me things like your mother is now "in a better place" or other things along those lines. I guess I have my doubts about the existence of heaven and an afterlife. For some reason, though, I found comfort in Mr. Laura's and Mr. Garvey's explanations of what happens after death in relation to the natural phenomenon they were seeing.
I will certainly never see rainbows and lightning quite the same again. From now on they will always be associated with a memory of my mother and a memory of Mr. Laura and Mr. Garvey trying to make sense of death. Their comments brought me a sense of closure and peace.
There is a Jack Johnson song that has the line "there were so many fewer questions when stars were just the holes to heaven". Thanks to Mr. Garvey and Mr. Laura I too have so many fewer questions now that rainbows and lightning are also holes to heaven as well.
With that said, I am not one to impose my faith and beliefs on others -- that includes my own children. Although I openly share with them what I believe and what brings me comfort during challenging times, I don't expect them to believe or to be comforted by the same things. We have talked a lot about death in the days preceding and since my mother's passing. I can't get two of their comments out of my head this week.
On the 2 hour drive home from my mother's memorial services we went through bit of bad weather. Now normally Mr. Laura would be quite worked up about this. He is terrified by thunderstorms. Fortunately, however, he slept through the worst of it. When he did wake up, he could see several streaks of lightning in the distance. Instead of getting "freaked out" he matter-of-factly said,"Hey mom look, God is letting Nana take pictures of us so that she can show them to Gigi and your father and all of our other family members in heaven".
A bit later, Mr. Garvey pointed out a large, bright rainbow in the sky. He said, "I think this is God's way of letting us know that Nana has made it to heaven".
Both of these comments made me both smile and cry at the same time. I don't usually find it comforting when folks tell me things like your mother is now "in a better place" or other things along those lines. I guess I have my doubts about the existence of heaven and an afterlife. For some reason, though, I found comfort in Mr. Laura's and Mr. Garvey's explanations of what happens after death in relation to the natural phenomenon they were seeing.
I will certainly never see rainbows and lightning quite the same again. From now on they will always be associated with a memory of my mother and a memory of Mr. Laura and Mr. Garvey trying to make sense of death. Their comments brought me a sense of closure and peace.
There is a Jack Johnson song that has the line "there were so many fewer questions when stars were just the holes to heaven". Thanks to Mr. Garvey and Mr. Laura I too have so many fewer questions now that rainbows and lightning are also holes to heaven as well.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Goodbye Mom, Goodbye Nana
My mom (Nana to the kids) passed away yesterday afternoon. We found out her cancer had returned the day before Baby A was born. It was not a surprise. We had seen some decline in the preceding month or so, but had not heard officially that the cancer was back. This time it had invaded her spine and taken away much of her physical abilities. In these 4 short weeks she went from assisted living back to the nursing home to the hospital and then finally to hospice. I had not expected the decline to be so rapid.
Over the past 2 years, she gave her cancer a good fight with hardly a complaint or demand through all of the surgeries, the chemo, and the radiation. There was nothing medicine could do for her this time.
One of her last wishes was to meet Baby A. I took him down when he was 2 weeks old. Here is a picture of her holding him. What I love about this picture is that it was Baby A that reached out and held mom's finger.
One more of her holding him...
She will be deeply missed by us all, but we are comforted to know that she is no longer in pain and that the suffering is over. I cannot say enough wonderful things about our hospice experience. What a blessing and an asset for the community.
Over the past 2 years, she gave her cancer a good fight with hardly a complaint or demand through all of the surgeries, the chemo, and the radiation. There was nothing medicine could do for her this time.
One of her last wishes was to meet Baby A. I took him down when he was 2 weeks old. Here is a picture of her holding him. What I love about this picture is that it was Baby A that reached out and held mom's finger.
One more of her holding him...
She will be deeply missed by us all, but we are comforted to know that she is no longer in pain and that the suffering is over. I cannot say enough wonderful things about our hospice experience. What a blessing and an asset for the community.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
A Bundle of Joy
All I can say is better late than never.....That goes for both me, the new mom, and our new baby bundle.
Our newest addition took his sweet time getting here. He was 10 days late. I'm almost 1 month late getting this post out. As I type, the 8 lb 3 oz. baby boy born on May 29th is almost 4 weeks old and weighs close to 12 lbs thanks in part to a combination of a more than ample milk supply and a nursling with an appetite that rivals Mr. Garvey's.
All is well here and everyone is enjoying the sights, sounds and smells of a new baby. Here are some pictures of Baby A.
P.S. So far I highly recommend becoming a mother unexpectedly in your 40's. I am so enjoying everything this time around. The wisdom and experience of having done this twice before coupled with knowing this is the last time I will give birth has me completely mesmerized and in awe of every aspect of being a mother to a newborn again. I am so thankful for the curve balls that life can throw you.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Tornadoes and Idiots
There has been a lot of stress in our house lately concerning tornadoes. We have had a rash of pretty severe thunderstorms complete with high winds, hail, heavy rain, thunder, lightning, and tornadoes. Mr. Laura does not handle these well at all. On Friday night as another storm was ramping up and Mr. Laura was becoming increasingly distressed, I decided to google some information on South Carolina and tornadoes. I found a website that contains a database of all tornadoes and their corresponding strength on the Fujita scale since the 1950's. South Carolina has never had a F4 or F5 tornado and, at least according to the database, no fatalities have ever been a direct result of a tornado in these parts. Mr. Laura was feeling reassured and we began to play around on the website checking out other states' statistics. Soon the rest of the nestlings had gathered around my laptop. Mr. Edwards noticed that there were links to video clips of tornadoes. Soon we were checking out lots and lots of storm chaser videos in the midwest. The enormity and power of the tornadoes were both frightening and impressive.
Many of the clips had audio as well. They were usually the voices of early twenty-something sounding men. The words "dude", "awesome", and "cool" were repeated over and over. Other comments included "Hurry up man, we are going to miss it", "I want someone to take my picture with it coming towards me", "Oh my god! It just sucked up that house", and "We're getting close. There is debris hitting our car".
The audio led to questions from the nestlings as to who was filming the tornadoes?, who was making them chase the tornadoes?, do they get paid to do this?, and why would anyone want to do this?
I explained that many of them were probably not being paid, but instead got a thrill out of being that close to such a powerful force of nature. The nestlings were not convinced. They also wanted to know why it seemed that no women were chasing the tornadoes. I made some attempt at explaining that, in general, as boys get older and go through puberty that they experience feelings of invincibility and immortality and therefore are willing to take more and more risks than they may be willing to take at other times in their life.
At this point Mr. Edwards asked, "You mean we are going to act like idiots when we're 20"?
Many of the clips had audio as well. They were usually the voices of early twenty-something sounding men. The words "dude", "awesome", and "cool" were repeated over and over. Other comments included "Hurry up man, we are going to miss it", "I want someone to take my picture with it coming towards me", "Oh my god! It just sucked up that house", and "We're getting close. There is debris hitting our car".
The audio led to questions from the nestlings as to who was filming the tornadoes?, who was making them chase the tornadoes?, do they get paid to do this?, and why would anyone want to do this?
I explained that many of them were probably not being paid, but instead got a thrill out of being that close to such a powerful force of nature. The nestlings were not convinced. They also wanted to know why it seemed that no women were chasing the tornadoes. I made some attempt at explaining that, in general, as boys get older and go through puberty that they experience feelings of invincibility and immortality and therefore are willing to take more and more risks than they may be willing to take at other times in their life.
At this point Mr. Edwards asked, "You mean we are going to act like idiots when we're 20"?
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
"Hot Girls" and a History Lesson
Recently Mr. Garvey, Mr. Laura, and I were sitting in the car waiting on Mr. Edwards to get out of an art class he attends. I was lost in thought as Mr. Garvey and Mr. Laura began a conversation. I was snapped back to reality by the topic of their conversation. They were discussing "Hot Girls". A bit troubled by where they may have gotten the term and what it meant but not wanting to jump to any conclusions, I listened in. Both Mr. Garvey and Mr. Laura were in agreement that they were not interested in "hot girls" and would never ever consider marrying one. I decided to inquire as to exactly what a "hot girl" might be. As they explained, a "hot girl" is a girl who uses her looks to try and make you fall in love with her. She evidently resorts to this surface trickery because she is majorly flawed on the inside and is trying to hide that fact. Both of them were adamant that it was more important that their future girlfriends or wives be beautiful on the inside than the outside. Mr. Laura summed it up for me with a question.....Momma, he asked, would you rather marry the most handsome man in the world who also happens to be really mean to you or the nicest man in the world who happens to not look so nice?
A few days later we were reading about Julius Caesar, his adopted son, Octavius, Antony, and Cleopatra. In our reading we learned that even though Julius Caesar had conquered Egypt, he had been so charmed by Cleopatra that he allowed her to remain Queen of Egypt. After Caesar's death, Antony and Octavius split rule of the empire. Antony moved to Alexandria where he met, fell in love with, and married Cleopatra. Sharing rule of the Roman empire with Antony did not satisfy Octavius so he made war on both Antony and Cleopatra. After being defeated by Octavius, Antony committed suicide. As the story goes, Cleopatra then tried to woo Octavius as a means to remain Queen of Egypt. Octavius, however, did not fall for her womanly charms and planned to have her taken back to Rome and paraded through the streets as was done with other prisoners of war. Upon hearing of Octavius's plans, Cleopatra then killed herself.
After we finished our reading, Mr. Laura asked, "You mean Cleopatra was a "Hot Queen"? to which Mr. Garvey replied, "Yeah, but I really really like Octavius. He could see she was a 'hot queen' and did not fall for it".
A few days later we were reading about Julius Caesar, his adopted son, Octavius, Antony, and Cleopatra. In our reading we learned that even though Julius Caesar had conquered Egypt, he had been so charmed by Cleopatra that he allowed her to remain Queen of Egypt. After Caesar's death, Antony and Octavius split rule of the empire. Antony moved to Alexandria where he met, fell in love with, and married Cleopatra. Sharing rule of the Roman empire with Antony did not satisfy Octavius so he made war on both Antony and Cleopatra. After being defeated by Octavius, Antony committed suicide. As the story goes, Cleopatra then tried to woo Octavius as a means to remain Queen of Egypt. Octavius, however, did not fall for her womanly charms and planned to have her taken back to Rome and paraded through the streets as was done with other prisoners of war. Upon hearing of Octavius's plans, Cleopatra then killed herself.
After we finished our reading, Mr. Laura asked, "You mean Cleopatra was a "Hot Queen"? to which Mr. Garvey replied, "Yeah, but I really really like Octavius. He could see she was a 'hot queen' and did not fall for it".
Sunday, March 23, 2008
"I'm a Little Bit Freaked Out Right Now"
On a recent trip to visit my mom, Mr. Laura and I accompanied her to the cafeteria of her nursing facility for lunch. While my mom ate, Mr. Laura begin to fidget and ask constantly, "when are we leaving?" I repeatedly told him that we would stay with Nana until she had finished lunch and we could help her get back to her room. I was becoming annoyed with Mr. Laura for his repetition. Here is how the rest of the conversation and lunch went.....
Ma: Mr. Laura I have all ready answered that question. What is really bothering you?
Mr. Laura: I am a little bit freaked out right now.
Ma: About what?
Mr. Laura: There are all these little old ladies in wheel chairs waving and smiling at me. One lady keeps motioning me to come over. I don't want to go over there. She is a complete stranger.
I did a quick scan of the room and sure enough many of the women's faces were focused on Mr. Laura all vying for his attention. He was the youngest person in the room by a good 30 years. I assured him that it was OK not to want to go over to any of them. I suggested that if he were to just smile and wave back at them that he would probably make their day. The rest of lunch continued with out too much more anxiety on Mr. Laura's part.
As we were leaving, one woman swiveled her wheel chair around and while pressing something into Mr. Laura's hand said, "Here boy take this with you." Once we were in the hallway I asked Mr. Laura what she had given him. He replied, "A little tub of butter. And now I'm a little bit freaked out again."
Ma: Mr. Laura I have all ready answered that question. What is really bothering you?
Mr. Laura: I am a little bit freaked out right now.
Ma: About what?
Mr. Laura: There are all these little old ladies in wheel chairs waving and smiling at me. One lady keeps motioning me to come over. I don't want to go over there. She is a complete stranger.
I did a quick scan of the room and sure enough many of the women's faces were focused on Mr. Laura all vying for his attention. He was the youngest person in the room by a good 30 years. I assured him that it was OK not to want to go over to any of them. I suggested that if he were to just smile and wave back at them that he would probably make their day. The rest of lunch continued with out too much more anxiety on Mr. Laura's part.
As we were leaving, one woman swiveled her wheel chair around and while pressing something into Mr. Laura's hand said, "Here boy take this with you." Once we were in the hallway I asked Mr. Laura what she had given him. He replied, "A little tub of butter. And now I'm a little bit freaked out again."
Resurfacing
Gosh, it has been more than 2 months since my last post. Motivation and lack of time have been the two main factors. The last two months have been filled with activity - some happy, some sad.
Here's a quick recap of the past few months:
My mom finally was released in early January from the hospital to a rehab/skilled nursing facility. Initial evaluation by the facility was not encouraging - they doubted she would ever walk again. After a lot of hard work on her part and her very dedicated therapist, she has surpassed these expectations. She is walking with the aid of a walker and has even begun to show signs of being able to stand from a sitting position unaided. The shunt operation to relieve the pressure in her brain has made all the difference. Mentally and cognitively she is back to her old self. She is getting stronger everyday.
Shortly after our return from Chicago, Mr. Edwards began to behave quite differently. He was having some very concerning anxiety/phobia issues along with exhibiting some OCD behaviors. For weeks he was not eating or sleeping. He was waking me 3 to 4 times a night. He refused to leave the house. Any semblance of a "normal" life and routine had disappeared for us. It was a very trying time for all of us. Mr. Edwards has been seeing a therapist since early February and has made tremendous progress. Life has returned mostly to "normal" - whatever that is.
As far as the pregnancy goes, it has been a cake walk thus far (knock on wood). No major complaints or complications. I am feeling the physical effects of this pregnancy more so than I did when pregnant in my 20's and 30's. We have 8 weeks to go and are getting excited about having a sweet new baby in the house again.
In early March, my grandmother, or GG as she is known to the great grandkids, quite suddenly and unexpectedly passed away. She had spent the past 22 months at my mother's side as my mom dealt with her disease. At almost 86, she was vital and able and giving until the end. She will be greatly missed by all of us.
We have decided to postpone building our house at the land for a while. Life has felt too hectic and unpredictable lately. Instead we are having an addition put on our current house. We are adding a master bedroom/bathroom and nursery to our house. The builder has nearly completed the shell and we should be able to get to work on the interior finish work soon. I doubt it will be complete by the time the baby arrives, but knowing that it is there is a comfort. We will go from a 3 BR/2 Bath house to a 5 BR/3 Bath house. While that sounds big to me, I guess for 8 people it isn't entirely unreasonable.
Here's a quick recap of the past few months:
My mom finally was released in early January from the hospital to a rehab/skilled nursing facility. Initial evaluation by the facility was not encouraging - they doubted she would ever walk again. After a lot of hard work on her part and her very dedicated therapist, she has surpassed these expectations. She is walking with the aid of a walker and has even begun to show signs of being able to stand from a sitting position unaided. The shunt operation to relieve the pressure in her brain has made all the difference. Mentally and cognitively she is back to her old self. She is getting stronger everyday.
Shortly after our return from Chicago, Mr. Edwards began to behave quite differently. He was having some very concerning anxiety/phobia issues along with exhibiting some OCD behaviors. For weeks he was not eating or sleeping. He was waking me 3 to 4 times a night. He refused to leave the house. Any semblance of a "normal" life and routine had disappeared for us. It was a very trying time for all of us. Mr. Edwards has been seeing a therapist since early February and has made tremendous progress. Life has returned mostly to "normal" - whatever that is.
As far as the pregnancy goes, it has been a cake walk thus far (knock on wood). No major complaints or complications. I am feeling the physical effects of this pregnancy more so than I did when pregnant in my 20's and 30's. We have 8 weeks to go and are getting excited about having a sweet new baby in the house again.
In early March, my grandmother, or GG as she is known to the great grandkids, quite suddenly and unexpectedly passed away. She had spent the past 22 months at my mother's side as my mom dealt with her disease. At almost 86, she was vital and able and giving until the end. She will be greatly missed by all of us.
We have decided to postpone building our house at the land for a while. Life has felt too hectic and unpredictable lately. Instead we are having an addition put on our current house. We are adding a master bedroom/bathroom and nursery to our house. The builder has nearly completed the shell and we should be able to get to work on the interior finish work soon. I doubt it will be complete by the time the baby arrives, but knowing that it is there is a comfort. We will go from a 3 BR/2 Bath house to a 5 BR/3 Bath house. While that sounds big to me, I guess for 8 people it isn't entirely unreasonable.
Friday, January 4, 2008
Our Chicago Holiday Road Trip by the Numbers
We spent 4 wonderful days with Pa's family in Chicago over Christmas. It had been 2 1/2 years since we had last been up there. Most of Pa's family had not met Mr. Garvey, Mary, or Miss Almanzo. We had not met Baby W. Pa's family planned so many fun activities for all of the kids (9 in all). We had a cookie baking and decorating day at the Fuzzies' house and an ornament making party at cousin A's house and a birthday party for cousin G. There was lots and lots of delicious food and conversation. On the flip side, hopefully we did not create too much chaos or stress for anyone as we are quite a large bunch to have descend upon you especially when the option of sending the kids outside to play is pretty much non-existent.
The Trip Up to Chicago
800: miles driven between Chicago and South Carolina
0: extra seats in the van
1: number of times we almost ran out of gas while travelling through the section of the NC mountains with no gas station exits for about 30 miles.
2: how many times we looked like the southerners that we are by playing in the small remaining piles of snow at two Indiana rest stops.
1: number of other large trans-racial adoptive families we ran into in the middle of nowhere Indiana. (It was kind of surreal. They were a very nice family from Nashville with 3 bio boys, a daughter from China, and 2 daughters from Liberia.)
14.5: hours of music loaded into my iPod. Just enough to get us there without repeating any songs.
5: number of above songs with explicit lyrics that Pa and I forgot about. (oops!)
Weather in Chicago
50: degrees F the temperature dropped in our first 12 hours in Chicago.
40: increase in wind speed (mph) in our first 12 hours in Chicago.
2: hours the nestlings will stay outside in 25 degree weather with 40 mph winds and a couple piles of snow.
1: hours Pa was willing to stay outside in the above conditions.
0: hours Ma was willing to stay outside in the above conditions.
Accommodations
5: nights spent in a hotel
4: number of beds
5: different sleeping combinations of 7 people in the above 4 beds for 5 nights.
3: number of times I awoke to find by pregnant self squished between Pa and any one of the given 5 nestlings.
4: number of nights Mr. Edwards woke me with fears of spider bites, poison, or nerve gas.
0: number of nights Ma got a full night's sleep
Lego Store
00 (infinite): how far a posh Michigan Avenue shopping center, with a much coveted Lego store, is from Mary, Miss Almanzo, and Mr. Garvey's village of Lafto Lenka in Ethiopia
5: combined minutes it took Mr. Laura, Miss Almanzo, and Mr. Edwards to select their Lego purchases.
40: combined minutes it took Mary and Mr. Garvey to select their Lego purchases.
Ethiopian Food
12: number of Ethiopians we met at an Ethiopian restaurant
12: number of Ethiopians who repeatedly told Pa and I "Thank you. Thank you for what you've done."
3: number of nestlings who moaned and ooohed and aaahed and ate themselves sick on the delicious Ethiopian food.
2: number of adults who did the same.
1: number of nestlings who left the Ethiopian restaurant hungrier than when he got there. (That would be Mr. Laura - he is such a picky, picky eater. Plus he knew there would be cookies at the ornament making party at cousin A's house.)
7: number of times our Ethiopian children tried to get our server to bring them bunna (coffee).
7: number of times our server told our Ethiopian children it was not good for them to drink bunna.
Behavior and Good Times
5: number of extremely well-behaved nestlings.
2: number of nestlings who wanted to be left in Chicago with Pa's family. (That would be Mr. Edwards and Mary. Saying good-bye was difficult for both of them.)
The Trip Home
0: cubic inches of cargo volume remaining in the van for the trip home.
3: number of traffic jams we sat in on our way home.
3: hours late we were getting home.
3643: number of times Mr. Laura said, "oh my butt hurts" on the last 2 hours of the trip.
0: number of times Pa and I wished we had DVD or video game capability in the car.
1: number of times the nestlings bickered with each other.
18: hours the kids kept themselves busy in the van with made up games, reading, writing, and drawing.
2: number of times someone said they were bored.
The Good Memories
562: number of times Baby Walker's name has been mentioned since we left Chicago.
642: number of times the nestlings have asked when will we be going back to Chicago to see everyone.
Home Sweet Home
5: loads of laundry done after we returned home.
2: hours it took to clean the van.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Spankings or "The Naughty List": The Great Debate (hypothetically speaking)
A few nights before Christmas, Mr. Laura, Mr. Garvey and I were sitting at the kitchen table making ornaments. Mr. Laura brought up the topic of who's nicer Ma and Pa or Santa. With a few questions from me, this started a debate between Mr. Laura and Mr. Garvey.
Mr. Laura: I think Santa is the nicest person in the whole world. Ma and Pa are second.
Ma: What makes Santa so nice?
Mr. Laura: He brings us presents every year.
Ma: What about that naughty list? That doesn't sound too nice.
Mr. Laura: Yeah but he doesn't whip us.
Ma: When is the last time you were spanked*?
Mr. Laura: I don't get spankings.
Mr. Garvey: I think parents are nicer because they only spank you. Santa won't bring you any gifts. That's mean.
Ma: But we've never hit you.
Mr. Garvey: I know, but if you did that would be better than not getting presents.
Mr. Laura: I still think Santa is nicer.
I find it interesting to note their positions in light of their vastly different backgrounds up until the last 18 months. For Mr. Garvey, physical punishment was common and material goods scarce when he lived in Ethiopia. Mr. Garvey is nothing if not careful with his things. He keeps everything organized and becomes upset if he loses or breaks anything. He sees the idea of Santa withholding gifts as unforgivable because he so cherishes everything that is his. On the other hand, Mr. Laura who has grown up in the land-of-plenty (or should I say the land-of-too-much) and scarce physical punishment takes the opposite view. I think he believes that if he were to get on the "naughty list" and not receive gifts that eventually there would be more. He doesn't see his supply of goods threatened or scarce at all. For him, the idea of physical punishment is more unforgivable.
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*In the spirit of full disclosure, Mr. Laura went through a very frustrating phase as a 2 and 3 year old where he would bite Mr. Edwards, often drawing blood. It would not be unusual for Mr. Edwards to have 4 or 5 bite marks on his body at any given time. After many other failed attempts to curb this behavior, I did resort to giving him a pop on his bottom or hand. It was not effective in the least. What finally worked was Mr. Edwards becoming frustrated enough with being Mr. Laura's personal human chew toy that he bit Mr. Laura back. And so ended the biting.
Mr. Laura: I think Santa is the nicest person in the whole world. Ma and Pa are second.
Ma: What makes Santa so nice?
Mr. Laura: He brings us presents every year.
Ma: What about that naughty list? That doesn't sound too nice.
Mr. Laura: Yeah but he doesn't whip us.
Ma: When is the last time you were spanked*?
Mr. Laura: I don't get spankings.
Mr. Garvey: I think parents are nicer because they only spank you. Santa won't bring you any gifts. That's mean.
Ma: But we've never hit you.
Mr. Garvey: I know, but if you did that would be better than not getting presents.
Mr. Laura: I still think Santa is nicer.
I find it interesting to note their positions in light of their vastly different backgrounds up until the last 18 months. For Mr. Garvey, physical punishment was common and material goods scarce when he lived in Ethiopia. Mr. Garvey is nothing if not careful with his things. He keeps everything organized and becomes upset if he loses or breaks anything. He sees the idea of Santa withholding gifts as unforgivable because he so cherishes everything that is his. On the other hand, Mr. Laura who has grown up in the land-of-plenty (or should I say the land-of-too-much) and scarce physical punishment takes the opposite view. I think he believes that if he were to get on the "naughty list" and not receive gifts that eventually there would be more. He doesn't see his supply of goods threatened or scarce at all. For him, the idea of physical punishment is more unforgivable.
************************************************************************************
*In the spirit of full disclosure, Mr. Laura went through a very frustrating phase as a 2 and 3 year old where he would bite Mr. Edwards, often drawing blood. It would not be unusual for Mr. Edwards to have 4 or 5 bite marks on his body at any given time. After many other failed attempts to curb this behavior, I did resort to giving him a pop on his bottom or hand. It was not effective in the least. What finally worked was Mr. Edwards becoming frustrated enough with being Mr. Laura's personal human chew toy that he bit Mr. Laura back. And so ended the biting.
Friday, December 7, 2007
Navigation
It was not my intention to drop completely off the blogging radar, but sometimes life calls. About two months ago, in response a friend's question regarding how my mother was doing, I wrote that although she wasn't in great shape, she at least seemed to have stabilized for now. At the time "stable" felt like a relief to say after the summer we'd just experienced. I still vividly remember hesitating with my choice of the word "stable". Although not really superstitious, I did worry that using my mom's name and "stable" in the same sentence might jinx the situation. I was hopeful though, so I kept it as is. As it turned out using "stable" was a bit premature.
Mom suddenly lost her ability to walk on October 29th and spent three weeks in the hospital. She then spent two weeks at a rehabilitation center trying unsuccessfully to learn to walk again. The rehab was too intensive given her overall weakness. It was recommended that she go to a skilled nursing facility where the therapy would be conducted at a pace more suitable to her current condition. This has caused considerable angst between my grandmother and us (my sister, my brother, and myself). My grandmother is hard of hearing which makes these discussions all the more difficult. My grandmother won't hear of a nursing home. She wants her home. In truth, we all want her home, but we disagree on the best path there. Going home directly means 2 care workers in the house 24/7 as she is completely bedridden and it takes at least two people to lift her. It also means less therapy than she would receive in the skilled nursing facility. The reality of the situation is that my mom cannot afford in-home care. In my heart I also believe that she will get better care and therapy at a facility.
Both my sister and I have offered to have my mom transferred to a facility near either one of us and for my grandmother to move into our homes. They are adamant that they want to stay in their current city. Even though I feel that my mother's care could be better monitored with more eyes on the situation I can't make them move. I am finding peace currently by continuing to let them know that my offer is still on the table should they change their minds. In light of their desire, my sister and I spent an afternoon touring facilities. We found a nice one that was close enough that my grandmother could very easily visit everyday. We took my grandmother to tour the facility and even got her blessing. The rehab facility had a wonderful caseworker who helped me get the arrangements made. My mom was all set to go on Tuesday.
I received a call Tuesday morning saying that she was being readmitted to the hospital because her liver was not functioning properly. In the last few days test after test has been run and we are waiting on the results. We do not yet know what is wrong this time, what procedure, if any, will be needed, if she is even strong enough to endure anything else, and she has lost her spot at the nursing facility and moved onto the waiting list.
Everything is up in the air again. I hate the feeling. I'm a planner. I'm an organizer. I'm a fixer. I'm a bit of a control freak. While it may seem silly (or at least leave gaping holes) to base one's life philosophy on a movie, I'm not sure where I would be in life if I had never seen Out of Africa. Once again I'm finding words to live by in this current situation. In the movie, Tanne is reflecting on how she and her love interest, Denys, navigate differently. She says that perhaps Denys understands something that she does not - that the world was made round so that we could not see too far ahead.
I find these words comforting not so much for what they say, but for the world they negate. - the one where we would know everything that is going to happen and when. I find this to be a much more frightening alternative. So when my mom's situation begins to feel out of control, I repeat these words to myself, and work on shortening my view and surrendering to the current of life.
Mom suddenly lost her ability to walk on October 29th and spent three weeks in the hospital. She then spent two weeks at a rehabilitation center trying unsuccessfully to learn to walk again. The rehab was too intensive given her overall weakness. It was recommended that she go to a skilled nursing facility where the therapy would be conducted at a pace more suitable to her current condition. This has caused considerable angst between my grandmother and us (my sister, my brother, and myself). My grandmother is hard of hearing which makes these discussions all the more difficult. My grandmother won't hear of a nursing home. She wants her home. In truth, we all want her home, but we disagree on the best path there. Going home directly means 2 care workers in the house 24/7 as she is completely bedridden and it takes at least two people to lift her. It also means less therapy than she would receive in the skilled nursing facility. The reality of the situation is that my mom cannot afford in-home care. In my heart I also believe that she will get better care and therapy at a facility.
Both my sister and I have offered to have my mom transferred to a facility near either one of us and for my grandmother to move into our homes. They are adamant that they want to stay in their current city. Even though I feel that my mother's care could be better monitored with more eyes on the situation I can't make them move. I am finding peace currently by continuing to let them know that my offer is still on the table should they change their minds. In light of their desire, my sister and I spent an afternoon touring facilities. We found a nice one that was close enough that my grandmother could very easily visit everyday. We took my grandmother to tour the facility and even got her blessing. The rehab facility had a wonderful caseworker who helped me get the arrangements made. My mom was all set to go on Tuesday.
I received a call Tuesday morning saying that she was being readmitted to the hospital because her liver was not functioning properly. In the last few days test after test has been run and we are waiting on the results. We do not yet know what is wrong this time, what procedure, if any, will be needed, if she is even strong enough to endure anything else, and she has lost her spot at the nursing facility and moved onto the waiting list.
Everything is up in the air again. I hate the feeling. I'm a planner. I'm an organizer. I'm a fixer. I'm a bit of a control freak. While it may seem silly (or at least leave gaping holes) to base one's life philosophy on a movie, I'm not sure where I would be in life if I had never seen Out of Africa. Once again I'm finding words to live by in this current situation. In the movie, Tanne is reflecting on how she and her love interest, Denys, navigate differently. She says that perhaps Denys understands something that she does not - that the world was made round so that we could not see too far ahead.
I find these words comforting not so much for what they say, but for the world they negate. - the one where we would know everything that is going to happen and when. I find this to be a much more frightening alternative. So when my mom's situation begins to feel out of control, I repeat these words to myself, and work on shortening my view and surrendering to the current of life.
Friday, November 9, 2007
And Now Back to Your Regularly Scheduled Mother
I ran across this post about 6 weeks ago and have been coveting the day that it too would apply to me. I believe that day has come. I think I can finally say the first trimester is loosening its death grip on me. This week I have begun to actually take an interest again in providing a clean, stimulating home abundantly stocked with healthy snacks and meals for those five lovely darlings currently depending on me for such things.
So here's to turning up the funky house music, baking a batch of cookies, and cleaning the house before my worst fear is realized; that being that all the hair the two dogs have shed in the last few weeks will reconstitute into a third dog before it is vacuumed up.
So here's to turning up the funky house music, baking a batch of cookies, and cleaning the house before my worst fear is realized; that being that all the hair the two dogs have shed in the last few weeks will reconstitute into a third dog before it is vacuumed up.
Monday, November 5, 2007
Wanting Things that Don't Matter Not to Matter
Mr. Garvey is a wonderful person. I often hear many complimentary comments from other adults who come in contact with him. They usually tell me how polite he is, how well-mannered and well-behaved he is, how mature he is, how smart he is, how athletic he is, how he looks out for the younger kids and plays well with everyone. All of this is true.
Underneath all of this, though, is young boy who has known and seen suffering that I can't begin to imagine. He grieves daily for his Ethiopian family that he loves and misses more than he can say. Sometimes a sound or smell triggers a memory and you can see the sadness sweep over his face. He becomes very quiet and introverted, lost in his thoughts and memories. He use to cry, but he rarely does that anymore because he has realized how much it upsets his sisters. He remembers his Ethiopian father's mandate that he must take care of his sisters. So he soldiers on silently and stoically waiting for the melancholia to pass. He waits to feel more settled and then returns to being his usual upbeat and determined self.
His life in U.S. has been pretty uneventful in a good way. He has transitioned into a new family, country, culture, and language with very few bumps in the road. He has embraced the many opportunities he now has without losing his perspective. Mr. Garvey has opened his heart to us and accepted us without reserve. He has forgiven us for any of our missteps along the way and is always willing to let us try again.
I have been pleased and relieved that Mr. Garvey and his sisters have been so openly accepted by our families, neighbors, and community at large. Racism, at least anything overt, has been non-existent. However, I knew at some point living in a small southern town that one of my kids would be the recipient of a cruel and confusing comment about skin color. It happened to Mr. Garvey the other night at gymnastics.
A new boy joined his class last week and teased him that he has been eating too much chocolate and that is why his skin is so dark. He went on to suggest that Mr. Garvey start drinking white milk as a means to becoming white. Mr. Garvey told him that he liked his skin color and did not want to change it. New Boy replied, "I doubt that. Nobody would want to have skin that is your color."
I want to tell New Boy how presumptuous and cruel and disturbing his comments are. I want to tell him that it is who we are and what we do with our lives that is more important than what any of us look like. I want him to know what Mr. Garvey knows. I want him to know what is like to live without enough food. I want him to know what it is like to see your own father refuse to eat so that you and your siblings may eat. I want him to know what it feels like to know that escaping the grinding poverty depends on getting an education but that your family only has enough money to send the oldest son to school and that's not you. I want him to know how it feels to be alone herding goats when a lion shows up. I want him to know how your life depends on being able to climb high and fast into a tree. I want him to understand how it feels to lose everything sacred and familiar and to begin again with strangers in a strange land. I want him to know how it feels to be told you are less than others because of a way you look. Of course, I don't literally wish any of these trials and tribulations on anyone including New Boy, but I do wish for things that don't matter not to matter.
Mr. Garvey wants me to let the matter drop. He doesn't want to cause any trouble. He understands that what New Boy said is wrong and cruel. He tells me that it is New Boy's problem not his. He is prepared to just ignore New Boy. I feel ignoring this is not acceptable. We have agreed, for now, that I will speak privately to his coach so that he can keep an ear out for any inappropriate remarks in the future.
Anyone else have any wisdom they'd like to share?
Underneath all of this, though, is young boy who has known and seen suffering that I can't begin to imagine. He grieves daily for his Ethiopian family that he loves and misses more than he can say. Sometimes a sound or smell triggers a memory and you can see the sadness sweep over his face. He becomes very quiet and introverted, lost in his thoughts and memories. He use to cry, but he rarely does that anymore because he has realized how much it upsets his sisters. He remembers his Ethiopian father's mandate that he must take care of his sisters. So he soldiers on silently and stoically waiting for the melancholia to pass. He waits to feel more settled and then returns to being his usual upbeat and determined self.
His life in U.S. has been pretty uneventful in a good way. He has transitioned into a new family, country, culture, and language with very few bumps in the road. He has embraced the many opportunities he now has without losing his perspective. Mr. Garvey has opened his heart to us and accepted us without reserve. He has forgiven us for any of our missteps along the way and is always willing to let us try again.
I have been pleased and relieved that Mr. Garvey and his sisters have been so openly accepted by our families, neighbors, and community at large. Racism, at least anything overt, has been non-existent. However, I knew at some point living in a small southern town that one of my kids would be the recipient of a cruel and confusing comment about skin color. It happened to Mr. Garvey the other night at gymnastics.
A new boy joined his class last week and teased him that he has been eating too much chocolate and that is why his skin is so dark. He went on to suggest that Mr. Garvey start drinking white milk as a means to becoming white. Mr. Garvey told him that he liked his skin color and did not want to change it. New Boy replied, "I doubt that. Nobody would want to have skin that is your color."
I want to tell New Boy how presumptuous and cruel and disturbing his comments are. I want to tell him that it is who we are and what we do with our lives that is more important than what any of us look like. I want him to know what Mr. Garvey knows. I want him to know what is like to live without enough food. I want him to know what it is like to see your own father refuse to eat so that you and your siblings may eat. I want him to know what it feels like to know that escaping the grinding poverty depends on getting an education but that your family only has enough money to send the oldest son to school and that's not you. I want him to know how it feels to be alone herding goats when a lion shows up. I want him to know how your life depends on being able to climb high and fast into a tree. I want him to understand how it feels to lose everything sacred and familiar and to begin again with strangers in a strange land. I want him to know how it feels to be told you are less than others because of a way you look. Of course, I don't literally wish any of these trials and tribulations on anyone including New Boy, but I do wish for things that don't matter not to matter.
Mr. Garvey wants me to let the matter drop. He doesn't want to cause any trouble. He understands that what New Boy said is wrong and cruel. He tells me that it is New Boy's problem not his. He is prepared to just ignore New Boy. I feel ignoring this is not acceptable. We have agreed, for now, that I will speak privately to his coach so that he can keep an ear out for any inappropriate remarks in the future.
Anyone else have any wisdom they'd like to share?
Saturday, November 3, 2007
A Mr. Laura Declaration
We told the kids about the pregnancy pretty early on mainly because I was feeling so bad that I needed them to understand that I wouldn't exactly be myself for awhile. We cautioned them that it was early and that sometimes something goes wrong and that a baby would not be born in May. Mr. Laura always says good night to the baby and finishes with "See you in May - maybe." The other day he walked up to me and said, "I know nothing is going to happen to the baby. He's gonna be all right." I replied, "You are pretty sure of yourself. I hope you are right." To which he declared, "I am sure of myself. Mr. Edwards and I were both in your belly as babies and we both made it out alive."
By George I Think She Finally Understands
I have written before about how much the girls argue with each other. Their arguments are never of very much substance or really ever about anything in particular. They are more of the endless "Yes it is - No it isn't - Yes it is - No it isn't" variety. My latest attempts at curbing this behavior is to simply point out the behavior when it is happening. That usually works for a little while until they find a new topic to disagree on. I was hoping that this might help them recognize the behavior and eventually allow them to police themselves. I, of course, had not seen much improvement and then I had the following conversation with Miss Almanzo the other night:
Miss Almanzo: I'm sorry for not listening very well today.
Ma: It's ok. We all have bad days. It is important for me to know that I can count on you to listen to me. Sometimes it is very important. I know you will do better tomorrow.
Miss Almanzo: I can't do it. I don't know how.
Ma: Yes, you can.
Miss Almanzo: No, I can't.
Ma: Yes you can. All you have to do is try.
Miss Almanzo: Now you are arguing with me.
That's progress, right? She recognized the pattern and called me on it!
Miss Almanzo: I'm sorry for not listening very well today.
Ma: It's ok. We all have bad days. It is important for me to know that I can count on you to listen to me. Sometimes it is very important. I know you will do better tomorrow.
Miss Almanzo: I can't do it. I don't know how.
Ma: Yes, you can.
Miss Almanzo: No, I can't.
Ma: Yes you can. All you have to do is try.
Miss Almanzo: Now you are arguing with me.
That's progress, right? She recognized the pattern and called me on it!
Thursday, October 25, 2007
I've Been Tagged
Egypt4 has tagged me for a meme:
Job’s I’ve held:
1) Restaurant hostess
2) Cocktail waitress
3) Mechanical Engineer
4) As an accountant (for the now defunct Arthur Andersen) doing Family Wealth Planning for wealthy folks - a really fun job. Lawyers are an absolute hoot to work with.
Places I’ve lived:
1) Atlanta
2) Buffalo, NY
3) New Orleans
4) small town in Texas
Food I love (must I really limit myself to four? This is going to be really hard):
1) All Ethnic Foods - never met one I didn't like yet
2) Coffee Heath Bar Crunch Ice Cream
3) A certain smoked Brook Trout I had eons ago at a bed and breakfast at Letchworth State Park in upstate New York. Pa and I ordered this as an appetizer 15 years ago and we still talk about it to this day. It is possibly the most delicious thing I have ever eaten.
4) Eating sushi with Mr. Edwards. He is simply hilarious to watch. He loves it so much that he can not stop moaning and sighing as he eats it.
Places I would rather be:
1) Someplace currently having an autumn
2) Someplace more open-minded and tolerant
3) Someplace actually addressing climate change
4) Someplace where I am not asked if I am babysitting or running a daycare. I really dread the comments once I start showing with #6
Movies I love:
1) Out of Africa
2) The Piano
3) Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, but really any movie by the screenwriter Charlie Kaufman
4) My Life without Me
TV shows I watch (OK this is going to be hard. I quit watching TV when Seinfeld went off the air, we don't have cable, and reception at our house is pretty much nonexistent. We do Netflix however so I've seen a few things):
1) Seinfeld reruns
2) The original BBC version of The Office
3) The kids and I always OD on the Home and Garden Channel when visiting my mom.
4) Frontline
Job’s I’ve held:
1) Restaurant hostess
2) Cocktail waitress
3) Mechanical Engineer
4) As an accountant (for the now defunct Arthur Andersen) doing Family Wealth Planning for wealthy folks - a really fun job. Lawyers are an absolute hoot to work with.
Places I’ve lived:
1) Atlanta
2) Buffalo, NY
3) New Orleans
4) small town in Texas
Food I love (must I really limit myself to four? This is going to be really hard):
1) All Ethnic Foods - never met one I didn't like yet
2) Coffee Heath Bar Crunch Ice Cream
3) A certain smoked Brook Trout I had eons ago at a bed and breakfast at Letchworth State Park in upstate New York. Pa and I ordered this as an appetizer 15 years ago and we still talk about it to this day. It is possibly the most delicious thing I have ever eaten.
4) Eating sushi with Mr. Edwards. He is simply hilarious to watch. He loves it so much that he can not stop moaning and sighing as he eats it.
Places I would rather be:
1) Someplace currently having an autumn
2) Someplace more open-minded and tolerant
3) Someplace actually addressing climate change
4) Someplace where I am not asked if I am babysitting or running a daycare. I really dread the comments once I start showing with #6
Movies I love:
1) Out of Africa
2) The Piano
3) Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, but really any movie by the screenwriter Charlie Kaufman
4) My Life without Me
TV shows I watch (OK this is going to be hard. I quit watching TV when Seinfeld went off the air, we don't have cable, and reception at our house is pretty much nonexistent. We do Netflix however so I've seen a few things):
1) Seinfeld reruns
2) The original BBC version of The Office
3) The kids and I always OD on the Home and Garden Channel when visiting my mom.
4) Frontline
Friday, October 12, 2007
Catching Up
My brain is beginning to throw off the pregnancy amnesia shackles as I make my way through the morning sickness phase (read: 24/7 constant nausea). It all seems so much worse than before. Is it because I am older? Is it because I am admittedly less over the moon about this pregnancy than my previous two? The answer I have come up with and am sticking with is this: I am just plain busier and have very little opportunity to just stop and surrender to this force. For pregnancy no. 1, I had no other children and was returning to college to work on a second degree. It was easy to catch naps and just be plain miserable for a few weeks. Ditto for pregnancy no. 2. I had one 3 year old and my mother and grandmother were temporarily living with us. Now I have 5 kids who are all being actively homeschooled, who all have classes two times a week, who want to meet their friends and play, who understandably just can't be as quiet and still as I would like. I have turned into grouchy mom and we are all marking off the days on the calendar until, knock on wood, this fatigue and and morning sickness make their exit. Despite my disposition, the kids are being troopers and really helping out with lots of chores around the house.
*****************************************************************************
A belated Happy Birthday to Mr. Laura who turned 7 last Friday! He had a very nice day with presents, lunch and a movie, and finished off with homemade peanut butter pie. He thoroughly enjoyed all of his presents which were keeping with his current interest of becoming a vet. We have read almost all of the books and played all of the games. The big hit was the Owl Puke kit he received. He has spent countless hours excavating the owl puke pellet for the bones of one unfortunate, yet tasty, little mouse. Thank you notes will be forthcoming albeit slowly.
***********************************************************************************
I thought I'd share the kids' reactions to the news of another sibling:
Miss Almanzo: Dead Silence. She was completely speechless, a first. I'm not sure if she didn't understand or if she is bothered by the news since she will no longer be the baby.
Mr. Laura: "How do you know you are going to have a baby? Who told you you could have a baby? When will it be here?"
Mary: Immediate jumping, dancing, clapping, and shouts of glee. If Mary has her way, I won't have to lift a finger as a mother of an infant. She has all ready planned out all of the baby's care. Every morning I am greeted with "I'm so excited. I just can't wait."
Mr. Garvey: "You're joking. I don't believe you. You said you were too old to have another baby." This was followed by jumping and dancing after he was convinced that it was true.
Mr. Edwards: Silent disbelief followed by "Really?" followed by "Really?" followed by the clencher "Really really?" followed by jumping and dancing.
*****************************************************************************
A belated Happy Birthday to Mr. Laura who turned 7 last Friday! He had a very nice day with presents, lunch and a movie, and finished off with homemade peanut butter pie. He thoroughly enjoyed all of his presents which were keeping with his current interest of becoming a vet. We have read almost all of the books and played all of the games. The big hit was the Owl Puke kit he received. He has spent countless hours excavating the owl puke pellet for the bones of one unfortunate, yet tasty, little mouse. Thank you notes will be forthcoming albeit slowly.
***********************************************************************************
I thought I'd share the kids' reactions to the news of another sibling:
Miss Almanzo: Dead Silence. She was completely speechless, a first. I'm not sure if she didn't understand or if she is bothered by the news since she will no longer be the baby.
Mr. Laura: "How do you know you are going to have a baby? Who told you you could have a baby? When will it be here?"
Mary: Immediate jumping, dancing, clapping, and shouts of glee. If Mary has her way, I won't have to lift a finger as a mother of an infant. She has all ready planned out all of the baby's care. Every morning I am greeted with "I'm so excited. I just can't wait."
Mr. Garvey: "You're joking. I don't believe you. You said you were too old to have another baby." This was followed by jumping and dancing after he was convinced that it was true.
Mr. Edwards: Silent disbelief followed by "Really?" followed by "Really?" followed by the clencher "Really really?" followed by jumping and dancing.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Recent Utterances, Cosmic Humor, An Announcement, and Divine Punishment
Some conversations that I had one week in early September:
My mom: Did you know J. (my cousin) is going to have another child in April?
Me: Oh that's great! I wouldn't mind having another baby myself.
My mom: That's the last thing you need.
Me: Don't worry, I'm getting too old for that anyway.
I relayed the above conversation to Pa and we had the following conversation:
Pa: Do you really think you are too old to actually get pregnant?
Me: At 41, yea. As women age, their luteal phase of their cycle often becomes too short and it can make getting pregnant difficult. At this point all of the stars, planets, and moons would have to be in alignment - you know, nothing short of "perfect celestial harmony ".
Pa (laughing): That's reassuring.
Pa and I first heard the term "perfect celestial harmony" in reference to toilet-training toddlers. It has been kind of a joke between us when something lucky happens like finding a good parking space or realizing that all of the kids have busied themselves with something (relatively) quiet.
I also relayed the conversation with my mom to a friend of mine and here's how part of our conversation went:
Friend: Do you really want to have another child?
Me: It's not so much that I want to have another child. I just like knowing that I could if I wanted to. The fact that one day it will be impossible to be pregnant is the one thing that really bothers me about aging. It would be cool to know I still "have it".
One more conversation between Pa and I:
Me: Mr. Laura came down this morning and wanted to sit in my lap. He is getting so big that I realized I don't have much time left before I won't have a child I can carry. It makes me kind of sad.
Pa: What about Miss Almanzo?
Me: She may be 2 1/2 years younger, but she is almost as tall as Mr. Laura and weighs more than he does. Her days are numbered too.
In case you don't see where this is going, it does indeed appear that perfect celestial harmony occurred sometime around August 25. My expected September period was late and then later and then later and so far has yet to make an appearance. I explained it away as the beginning of peri-menopause. The old body is finally starting to sputter and stall -the beginning of the end. I knew deep down this wasn't true though. Too many pregnancy symptoms were beginning to appear - waves of nausea, a ridiculously heightened sense of smell, bone-crushing fatigue, middle of the night trips to pee, aversions to any and all food. I finally peed on the stick and it confirmed my "haveitness". Pa is currently in denial and keeps vacillating between "How did this happen? I'm never going to get to retire" and "adding one tiny infant with no language or grief issues has got to be a piece of cake compared to what we just did" (That is adding three non-English speaking big children to our family at one time.)
I am currently a tangle of emotions and thoughts as the reality sets in. I am on the cusp of being a mother to 6. Yikes! How did I get here? One of my all time favorite movies is Out of Africa. There is a line in that movie that keeps playing in my head over and over. Denys Finch Hatton has just suggested that he could keep his things at Tanne's house and come and go from there. It is not the commitment she is hoping for from Denys, but it is a big gesture on his "live one day at a time" part. She responds by saying "When the gods want to punish you, they answer your prayers." That is exactly how I feel right now.
My mom: Did you know J. (my cousin) is going to have another child in April?
Me: Oh that's great! I wouldn't mind having another baby myself.
My mom: That's the last thing you need.
Me: Don't worry, I'm getting too old for that anyway.
I relayed the above conversation to Pa and we had the following conversation:
Pa: Do you really think you are too old to actually get pregnant?
Me: At 41, yea. As women age, their luteal phase of their cycle often becomes too short and it can make getting pregnant difficult. At this point all of the stars, planets, and moons would have to be in alignment - you know, nothing short of "perfect celestial harmony ".
Pa (laughing): That's reassuring.
Pa and I first heard the term "perfect celestial harmony" in reference to toilet-training toddlers. It has been kind of a joke between us when something lucky happens like finding a good parking space or realizing that all of the kids have busied themselves with something (relatively) quiet.
I also relayed the conversation with my mom to a friend of mine and here's how part of our conversation went:
Friend: Do you really want to have another child?
Me: It's not so much that I want to have another child. I just like knowing that I could if I wanted to. The fact that one day it will be impossible to be pregnant is the one thing that really bothers me about aging. It would be cool to know I still "have it".
One more conversation between Pa and I:
Me: Mr. Laura came down this morning and wanted to sit in my lap. He is getting so big that I realized I don't have much time left before I won't have a child I can carry. It makes me kind of sad.
Pa: What about Miss Almanzo?
Me: She may be 2 1/2 years younger, but she is almost as tall as Mr. Laura and weighs more than he does. Her days are numbered too.
In case you don't see where this is going, it does indeed appear that perfect celestial harmony occurred sometime around August 25. My expected September period was late and then later and then later and so far has yet to make an appearance. I explained it away as the beginning of peri-menopause. The old body is finally starting to sputter and stall -the beginning of the end. I knew deep down this wasn't true though. Too many pregnancy symptoms were beginning to appear - waves of nausea, a ridiculously heightened sense of smell, bone-crushing fatigue, middle of the night trips to pee, aversions to any and all food. I finally peed on the stick and it confirmed my "haveitness". Pa is currently in denial and keeps vacillating between "How did this happen? I'm never going to get to retire" and "adding one tiny infant with no language or grief issues has got to be a piece of cake compared to what we just did" (That is adding three non-English speaking big children to our family at one time.)
I am currently a tangle of emotions and thoughts as the reality sets in. I am on the cusp of being a mother to 6. Yikes! How did I get here? One of my all time favorite movies is Out of Africa. There is a line in that movie that keeps playing in my head over and over. Denys Finch Hatton has just suggested that he could keep his things at Tanne's house and come and go from there. It is not the commitment she is hoping for from Denys, but it is a big gesture on his "live one day at a time" part. She responds by saying "When the gods want to punish you, they answer your prayers." That is exactly how I feel right now.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
What a Little Fresh Air Does For Mr. Edwards
Mr. Edwards is my child who will come up with 5 million excuses as to why he can't go outside. If he does manage to get himself outside then, undoubtedly, there is a book in his hand and he has plopped himself in a chair to read. I can't really complain, though, he gets it very honestly from one of his parents (uhm, that would be me). The camping trip, of course, meant that he would be outside for several days in a row. All that fresh air did have an impact. Here is a funny picture of Mr. Edwards on the camping trip. And, yes, that water fountain Mr. Edwards is drinking out of is meant for creatures of the four-legged variety. He was quite disgusted when I told him, but then asked that I take a picture of him doing it again. Mary declined her turn at it and opted for one of the other drinking spots intended for us naked apes.
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Mr. Edwards is also my serious kind-hearted child who would never intentionally hurt someone else's feelings. He does not tease or pick on his siblings, although he stoically suffers their teasing quite often. One morning as I was helping Miss Almanzo with lotion, I asked her if she had put it on her face. She replied, "No. I need some for my other face." (I think what she meant was that she needed more lotion for her face). Mr. Edwards teased her, "Let's just hope that your other face doesn't have a mouth on it." It is no secret that Miss Alamanzo can carry on three conversations and sing and hum and make nonsense noise all at the same time, but Mr. Edwards teasing was uncharacteristic albeit funny. Even Miss Almanzo smiled.
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Did you know that the ant lion larvae holds its bodily waste inside its body for three years? Yea, me either. That is until Mr. Edwards and I were sitting all alone at the campsite. He is not much of a talker. He daydreams and reads and often prefers his inner life to what is going on around him. Anyways, as we sat there together, I made several attempts at conversation. He answered my questions but made no effort to keep the conversation going. I finally asked him what he would like to talk about? His eyes and face gave me that "Oh brother" look. I changed tactics and said, "Tell me something I don't know." That is when I learned all about ant lion larvae and their impressive holding capacity.
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