Time for a Change, Time for a Move.....

as far as my blogging goes anyways.  I'll no longer  be posting on Little House on the Sandhills and will be moving over to An Even Half Dozen.  Feel free to drop on by.  I'd love the company.

-Ma

All New Mothers Need a Mr. Garvey

As you may have read, we have had a lot going on for the first 4 or 5 weeks of Baby A's life. Well add in recovery from a c-section, some nursing trouble (1 bout of mastitis followed by 2 rounds of yeast), a portion of the incision that just did not want to heal, and the fact that Pa's planned two weeks of half days didn't fully materialize due to problems at work for which he was needed. I'm sure no matter what, I would have put my head down and gotten done what needed to be done. However, my load was lightened significantly by Mr. Garvey. This kid is just awesome. Every morning when I pulled my sleep deprived feel like I've been run over by a truck self out of bed, I would find that Mr. Garvey, without me asking, had put in a load of laundry, emptied and loaded the dishwasher, fed and watered the dogs, shut the door to my room so the other kiddos would not wake me up, and had done just about anything else he could think of that needed to be done.

In addition, he is completely experienced with holding and calming a baby. There were times when Baby A. would be fussy and I couldn't or didn't have the energy required to settle him down. On one particular occasion, he asked if he could try. He held Baby A, made some "shu, shu, shu" noises, and gently jiggled him. Thirty seconds later Baby A was asleep. Mr. Garvey looked up with such a grin of satisfaction on his face and said, "I can't wait until I am a father." And what a wonderful father that will be.

Lightning and Rainbows: Mr. Laura and Mr. Garvey Processing Death

I am not a religious person (in any organized sense of the word). I am, however, interested in several different religions and do a fair amount of reading about them. In a nutshell I pretty much believe that there is a universal truth to all religions, and each religion is just a different way of getting to that underlying truth. I personally find a lot of meaning in Buddhism. I feel a strong connection to the ideas of impermanence and non-attachment, as well as the Four Noble Truths. I like the way Buddhism inspires me to be a better person and to live more in the present moment.

With that said, I am not one to impose my faith and beliefs on others -- that includes my own children. Although I openly share with them what I believe and what brings me comfort during challenging times, I don't expect them to believe or to be comforted by the same things. We have talked a lot about death in the days preceding and since my mother's passing. I can't get two of their comments out of my head this week.

On the 2 hour drive home from my mother's memorial services we went through bit of bad weather. Now normally Mr. Laura would be quite worked up about this. He is terrified by thunderstorms. Fortunately, however, he slept through the worst of it. When he did wake up, he could see several streaks of lightning in the distance. Instead of getting "freaked out" he matter-of-factly said,"Hey mom look, God is letting Nana take pictures of us so that she can show them to Gigi and your father and all of our other family members in heaven".

A bit later, Mr. Garvey pointed out a large, bright rainbow in the sky. He said, "I think this is God's way of letting us know that Nana has made it to heaven".

Both of these comments made me both smile and cry at the same time. I don't usually find it comforting when folks tell me things like your mother is now "in a better place" or other things along those lines. I guess I have my doubts about the existence of heaven and an afterlife. For some reason, though, I found comfort in Mr. Laura's and Mr. Garvey's explanations of what happens after death in relation to the natural phenomenon they were seeing.

I will certainly never see rainbows and lightning quite the same again. From now on they will always be associated with a memory of my mother and a memory of Mr. Laura and Mr. Garvey trying to make sense of death. Their comments brought me a sense of closure and peace.

There is a Jack Johnson song that has the line "there were so many fewer questions when stars were just the holes to heaven". Thanks to Mr. Garvey and Mr. Laura I too have so many fewer questions now that rainbows and lightning are also holes to heaven as well.

Goodbye Mom, Goodbye Nana

My mom (Nana to the kids) passed away yesterday afternoon. We found out her cancer had returned the day before Baby A was born. It was not a surprise. We had seen some decline in the preceding month or so, but had not heard officially that the cancer was back. This time it had invaded her spine and taken away much of her physical abilities. In these 4 short weeks she went from assisted living back to the nursing home to the hospital and then finally to hospice. I had not expected the decline to be so rapid.

Over the past 2 years, she gave her cancer a good fight with hardly a complaint or demand through all of the surgeries, the chemo, and the radiation. There was nothing medicine could do for her this time.

One of her last wishes was to meet Baby A. I took him down when he was 2 weeks old. Here is a picture of her holding him. What I love about this picture is that it was Baby A that reached out and held mom's finger.



One more of her holding him...



She will be deeply missed by us all, but we are comforted to know that she is no longer in pain and that the suffering is over. I cannot say enough wonderful things about our hospice experience. What a blessing and an asset for the community.

A Bundle of Joy

All I can say is better late than never.....That goes for both me, the new mom, and our new baby bundle.

Our newest addition took his sweet time getting here. He was 10 days late. I'm almost 1 month late getting this post out. As I type, the 8 lb 3 oz. baby boy born on May 29th is almost 4 weeks old and weighs close to 12 lbs thanks in part to a combination of a more than ample milk supply and a nursling with an appetite that rivals Mr. Garvey's.

All is well here and everyone is enjoying the sights, sounds and smells of a new baby. Here are some pictures of Baby A.

P.S. So far I highly recommend becoming a mother unexpectedly in your 40's. I am so enjoying everything this time around. The wisdom and experience of having done this twice before coupled with knowing this is the last time I will give birth has me completely mesmerized and in awe of every aspect of being a mother to a newborn again. I am so thankful for the curve balls that life can throw you.

Tornadoes and Idiots

There has been a lot of stress in our house lately concerning tornadoes. We have had a rash of pretty severe thunderstorms complete with high winds, hail, heavy rain, thunder, lightning, and tornadoes. Mr. Laura does not handle these well at all. On Friday night as another storm was ramping up and Mr. Laura was becoming increasingly distressed, I decided to google some information on South Carolina and tornadoes. I found a website that contains a database of all tornadoes and their corresponding strength on the Fujita scale since the 1950's. South Carolina has never had a F4 or F5 tornado and, at least according to the database, no fatalities have ever been a direct result of a tornado in these parts. Mr. Laura was feeling reassured and we began to play around on the website checking out other states' statistics. Soon the rest of the nestlings had gathered around my laptop. Mr. Edwards noticed that there were links to video clips of tornadoes. Soon we were checking out lots and lots of storm chaser videos in the midwest. The enormity and power of the tornadoes were both frightening and impressive.

Many of the clips had audio as well. They were usually the voices of early twenty-something sounding men. The words "dude", "awesome", and "cool" were repeated over and over. Other comments included "Hurry up man, we are going to miss it", "I want someone to take my picture with it coming towards me", "Oh my god! It just sucked up that house", and "We're getting close. There is debris hitting our car".

The audio led to questions from the nestlings as to who was filming the tornadoes?, who was making them chase the tornadoes?, do they get paid to do this?, and why would anyone want to do this?

I explained that many of them were probably not being paid, but instead got a thrill out of being that close to such a powerful force of nature. The nestlings were not convinced. They also wanted to know why it seemed that no women were chasing the tornadoes. I made some attempt at explaining that, in general, as boys get older and go through puberty that they experience feelings of invincibility and immortality and therefore are willing to take more and more risks than they may be willing to take at other times in their life.

At this point Mr. Edwards asked, "You mean we are going to act like idiots when we're 20"?

"Hot Girls" and a History Lesson

Recently Mr. Garvey, Mr. Laura, and I were sitting in the car waiting on Mr. Edwards to get out of an art class he attends. I was lost in thought as Mr. Garvey and Mr. Laura began a conversation. I was snapped back to reality by the topic of their conversation. They were discussing "Hot Girls". A bit troubled by where they may have gotten the term and what it meant but not wanting to jump to any conclusions, I listened in. Both Mr. Garvey and Mr. Laura were in agreement that they were not interested in "hot girls" and would never ever consider marrying one. I decided to inquire as to exactly what a "hot girl" might be. As they explained, a "hot girl" is a girl who uses her looks to try and make you fall in love with her. She evidently resorts to this surface trickery because she is majorly flawed on the inside and is trying to hide that fact. Both of them were adamant that it was more important that their future girlfriends or wives be beautiful on the inside than the outside. Mr. Laura summed it up for me with a question.....Momma, he asked, would you rather marry the most handsome man in the world who also happens to be really mean to you or the nicest man in the world who happens to not look so nice?

A few days later we were reading about Julius Caesar, his adopted son, Octavius, Antony, and Cleopatra. In our reading we learned that even though Julius Caesar had conquered Egypt, he had been so charmed by Cleopatra that he allowed her to remain Queen of Egypt. After Caesar's death, Antony and Octavius split rule of the empire. Antony moved to Alexandria where he met, fell in love with, and married Cleopatra. Sharing rule of the Roman empire with Antony did not satisfy Octavius so he made war on both Antony and Cleopatra. After being defeated by Octavius, Antony committed suicide. As the story goes, Cleopatra then tried to woo Octavius as a means to remain Queen of Egypt. Octavius, however, did not fall for her womanly charms and planned to have her taken back to Rome and paraded through the streets as was done with other prisoners of war. Upon hearing of Octavius's plans, Cleopatra then killed herself.

After we finished our reading, Mr. Laura asked, "You mean Cleopatra was a "Hot Queen"? to which Mr. Garvey replied, "Yeah, but I really really like Octavius. He could see she was a 'hot queen' and did not fall for it".

"I'm a Little Bit Freaked Out Right Now"

On a recent trip to visit my mom, Mr. Laura and I accompanied her to the cafeteria of her nursing facility for lunch. While my mom ate, Mr. Laura begin to fidget and ask constantly, "when are we leaving?" I repeatedly told him that we would stay with Nana until she had finished lunch and we could help her get back to her room. I was becoming annoyed with Mr. Laura for his repetition. Here is how the rest of the conversation and lunch went.....

Ma: Mr. Laura I have all ready answered that question. What is really bothering you?

Mr. Laura: I am a little bit freaked out right now.

Ma: About what?

Mr. Laura: There are all these little old ladies in wheel chairs waving and smiling at me. One lady keeps motioning me to come over. I don't want to go over there. She is a complete stranger.

I did a quick scan of the room and sure enough many of the women's faces were focused on Mr. Laura all vying for his attention. He was the youngest person in the room by a good 30 years. I assured him that it was OK not to want to go over to any of them. I suggested that if he were to just smile and wave back at them that he would probably make their day. The rest of lunch continued with out too much more anxiety on Mr. Laura's part.

As we were leaving, one woman swiveled her wheel chair around and while pressing something into Mr. Laura's hand said, "Here boy take this with you." Once we were in the hallway I asked Mr. Laura what she had given him. He replied, "A little tub of butter. And now I'm a little bit freaked out again."

Resurfacing

Gosh, it has been more than 2 months since my last post. Motivation and lack of time have been the two main factors. The last two months have been filled with activity - some happy, some sad.

Here's a quick recap of the past few months:

My mom finally was released in early January from the hospital to a rehab/skilled nursing facility. Initial evaluation by the facility was not encouraging - they doubted she would ever walk again. After a lot of hard work on her part and her very dedicated therapist, she has surpassed these expectations. She is walking with the aid of a walker and has even begun to show signs of being able to stand from a sitting position unaided. The shunt operation to relieve the pressure in her brain has made all the difference. Mentally and cognitively she is back to her old self. She is getting stronger everyday.

Shortly after our return from Chicago, Mr. Edwards began to behave quite differently. He was having some very concerning anxiety/phobia issues along with exhibiting some OCD behaviors. For weeks he was not eating or sleeping. He was waking me 3 to 4 times a night. He refused to leave the house. Any semblance of a "normal" life and routine had disappeared for us. It was a very trying time for all of us. Mr. Edwards has been seeing a therapist since early February and has made tremendous progress. Life has returned mostly to "normal" - whatever that is.

As far as the pregnancy goes, it has been a cake walk thus far (knock on wood). No major complaints or complications. I am feeling the physical effects of this pregnancy more so than I did when pregnant in my 20's and 30's. We have 8 weeks to go and are getting excited about having a sweet new baby in the house again.

In early March, my grandmother, or GG as she is known to the great grandkids, quite suddenly and unexpectedly passed away. She had spent the past 22 months at my mother's side as my mom dealt with her disease. At almost 86, she was vital and able and giving until the end. She will be greatly missed by all of us.

We have decided to postpone building our house at the land for a while. Life has felt too hectic and unpredictable lately. Instead we are having an addition put on our current house. We are adding a master bedroom/bathroom and nursery to our house. The builder has nearly completed the shell and we should be able to get to work on the interior finish work soon. I doubt it will be complete by the time the baby arrives, but knowing that it is there is a comfort. We will go from a 3 BR/2 Bath house to a 5 BR/3 Bath house. While that sounds big to me, I guess for 8 people it isn't entirely unreasonable.

Our Chicago Holiday Road Trip by the Numbers

We spent 4 wonderful days with Pa's family in Chicago over Christmas. It had been 2 1/2 years since we had last been up there. Most of Pa's family had not met Mr. Garvey, Mary, or Miss Almanzo. We had not met Baby W. Pa's family planned so many fun activities for all of the kids (9 in all). We had a cookie baking and decorating day at the Fuzzies' house and an ornament making party at cousin A's house and a birthday party for cousin G. There was lots and lots of delicious food and conversation. On the flip side, hopefully we did not create too much chaos or stress for anyone as we are quite a large bunch to have descend upon you especially when the option of sending the kids outside to play is pretty much non-existent.

The Trip Up to Chicago

800: miles driven between Chicago and South Carolina

0: extra seats in the van

1: number of times we almost ran out of gas while travelling through the section of the NC mountains with no gas station exits for about 30 miles.

2: how many times we looked like the southerners that we are by playing in the small remaining piles of snow at two Indiana rest stops.

1: number of other large trans-racial adoptive families we ran into in the middle of nowhere Indiana. (It was kind of surreal. They were a very nice family from Nashville with 3 bio boys, a daughter from China, and 2 daughters from Liberia.)

14.5: hours of music loaded into my iPod. Just enough to get us there without repeating any songs.

5: number of above songs with explicit lyrics that Pa and I forgot about. (oops!)

Weather in Chicago

50: degrees F the temperature dropped in our first 12 hours in Chicago.

40: increase in wind speed (mph) in our first 12 hours in Chicago.

2: hours the nestlings will stay outside in 25 degree weather with 40 mph winds and a couple piles of snow.

1: hours Pa was willing to stay outside in the above conditions.

0: hours Ma was willing to stay outside in the above conditions.

Accommodations

5: nights spent in a hotel

4: number of beds

5: different sleeping combinations of 7 people in the above 4 beds for 5 nights.

3: number of times I awoke to find by pregnant self squished between Pa and any one of the given 5 nestlings.

4: number of nights Mr. Edwards woke me with fears of spider bites, poison, or nerve gas.

0: number of nights Ma got a full night's sleep

Lego Store

00 (infinite): how far a posh Michigan Avenue shopping center, with a much coveted Lego store, is from Mary, Miss Almanzo, and Mr. Garvey's village of Lafto Lenka in Ethiopia

5: combined minutes it took Mr. Laura, Miss Almanzo, and Mr. Edwards to select their Lego purchases.

40: combined minutes it took Mary and Mr. Garvey to select their Lego purchases.

Ethiopian Food

12: number of Ethiopians we met at an Ethiopian restaurant

12: number of Ethiopians who repeatedly told Pa and I "Thank you. Thank you for what you've done."

3: number of nestlings who moaned and ooohed and aaahed and ate themselves sick on the delicious Ethiopian food.

2: number of adults who did the same.

1: number of nestlings who left the Ethiopian restaurant hungrier than when he got there. (That would be Mr. Laura - he is such a picky, picky eater. Plus he knew there would be cookies at the ornament making party at cousin A's house.)

7: number of times our Ethiopian children tried to get our server to bring them bunna (coffee).

7: number of times our server told our Ethiopian children it was not good for them to drink bunna.

Behavior and Good Times

5: number of extremely well-behaved nestlings.

2: number of nestlings who wanted to be left in Chicago with Pa's family. (That would be Mr. Edwards and Mary. Saying good-bye was difficult for both of them.)

The Trip Home

0: cubic inches of cargo volume remaining in the van for the trip home.

3: number of traffic jams we sat in on our way home.

3: hours late we were getting home.

3643: number of times Mr. Laura said, "oh my butt hurts" on the last 2 hours of the trip.

0: number of times Pa and I wished we had DVD or video game capability in the car.

1: number of times the nestlings bickered with each other.

18: hours the kids kept themselves busy in the van with made up games, reading, writing, and drawing.

2: number of times someone said they were bored.

The Good Memories

562: number of times Baby Walker's name has been mentioned since we left Chicago.

642: number of times the nestlings have asked when will we be going back to Chicago to see everyone.

Home Sweet Home

5: loads of laundry done after we returned home.

2: hours it took to clean the van.

Spankings or "The Naughty List": The Great Debate (hypothetically speaking)

A few nights before Christmas, Mr. Laura, Mr. Garvey and I were sitting at the kitchen table making ornaments. Mr. Laura brought up the topic of who's nicer Ma and Pa or Santa. With a few questions from me, this started a debate between Mr. Laura and Mr. Garvey.

Mr. Laura: I think Santa is the nicest person in the whole world. Ma and Pa are second.

Ma: What makes Santa so nice?

Mr. Laura: He brings us presents every year.

Ma: What about that naughty list? That doesn't sound too nice.

Mr. Laura: Yeah but he doesn't whip us.

Ma: When is the last time you were spanked*?

Mr. Laura: I don't get spankings.

Mr. Garvey: I think parents are nicer because they only spank you. Santa won't bring you any gifts. That's mean.

Ma: But we've never hit you.

Mr. Garvey: I know, but if you did that would be better than not getting presents.

Mr. Laura: I still think Santa is nicer.

I find it interesting to note their positions in light of their vastly different backgrounds up until the last 18 months. For Mr. Garvey, physical punishment was common and material goods scarce when he lived in Ethiopia. Mr. Garvey is nothing if not careful with his things. He keeps everything organized and becomes upset if he loses or breaks anything. He sees the idea of Santa withholding gifts as unforgivable because he so cherishes everything that is his. On the other hand, Mr. Laura who has grown up in the land-of-plenty (or should I say the land-of-too-much) and scarce physical punishment takes the opposite view. I think he believes that if he were to get on the "naughty list" and not receive gifts that eventually there would be more. He doesn't see his supply of goods threatened or scarce at all. For him, the idea of physical punishment is more unforgivable.

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*In the spirit of full disclosure, Mr. Laura went through a very frustrating phase as a 2 and 3 year old where he would bite Mr. Edwards, often drawing blood. It would not be unusual for Mr. Edwards to have 4 or 5 bite marks on his body at any given time. After many other failed attempts to curb this behavior, I did resort to giving him a pop on his bottom or hand. It was not effective in the least. What finally worked was Mr. Edwards becoming frustrated enough with being Mr. Laura's personal human chew toy that he bit Mr. Laura back. And so ended the biting.